Englische Jokes

Ich bedanke mich bei Ernie aus NY, der auch einige Kommentare dazugeschrieben hat

YOU'RE A REDNECK IF....

Redneck=Hillbillies, so nennen wir die Südstaatenbewohner, besonders die, die sehr rückständig sind, wie die, die in den Bergen von Kentucky und Tennessee wohnen.

• Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
  DQ=Eiskrem-Franchise oder Riverboat Name.
  
• On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.
  
• You've ever come home and found crime scene tape across your front porch.
  
• Your favorite entree is Spam barbecued on the grill.
  
• Your child's first words were "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
  K-Mart = Aldi
  
• Your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.
  
• You ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin contest.
  
• You've got more than one brother named "Darryl"
  
• You stare at an orange juice container because it says "CONCENTRATE".
  
• You think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.
  
• Your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.
  
• You no longer drink wine ever since the screw cap got cought up your nose.
  
• You think that "Dom Perignon" is a mafia leader.
  
• That billboard that says "SAY NO TO CRACK" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
  
• Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
  
• You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
  
• You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
  
• Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
  
• You've got more than three cousins named "Bubba."
  
• You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "gentlemen, start your engines"
  
• You never learned to swim because your gene pool is too small.
  
• Your family tree has no forks.
  
• You think the OJ Trial is a Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
  Sunkist & M = Orange Juice Marken
  
• You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law
  
• You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
  
• The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
  
• Your brother-in-law is your uncle and your grandfather.
  
• You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
  
• You use a weedeater in your living room.
  
• You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
  
• You have a rag for a gas cap.
  
• The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
  Blue book = Wertverzeichnis für Gebrauchtwagen
  
• You have to go outside to get something out of the "fridge."
  fridge=refrigerator
  
• A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
  Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise
  
• You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
  
• Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
  
• Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
  
• You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
  
• Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
  
• Your dog can't watch you eat without getting sick.
  
• You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
  
• Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
  
• Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
  
• You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
  
• You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.
  
• On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
  
• You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood."
  
• If the fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year,"
  
• Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.
  
• Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
  
• Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
  
• You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
  
• You just bought an 8-track player to put in your truck.
  
• You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.
  
• It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
  
• You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue and Primer Gray are the three primary colors.
  John Deere=Traktoren, Primer Gray=graue Grundfarbe
  
• Your pickup has a two-tone paint job -- primer red and primer gray.
  
• Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
  
• You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
  
• You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
  
• Your aunt and your grandmother went to the funeral and had a fight over who gets to be the widow.
  
• You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
  
• You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
  
• During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
  
• Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one.
  
• Your wife has ever said: "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
  
• You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as "the day my ship came in."
  
• You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
  
• Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos".
  Aus dem Film "Deliverance" mit Burt Reynolds
  
• You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
  
• Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
  
• You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
  
• The Home Shopping operator recognized your voice.
  HSO=Verkäufer vom HS, wo man die Waren im TV sieht.
  
• You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
  Hee-Haw=1970er TV Show aus den Südstaaten
  
• You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
  
• Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
  
• You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
  
• The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
  
• You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
  Hot=slang für gestohlen
  
• Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
  
• You've ever had to scratch your sisters name out of a message that begins,"For a good time time call..."
  
• You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
  Amer. Tankstellen sind saudreckig.
  
• You've ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.
  
• Anyone in your family died right after saying "Hey, Y'all watch this!".
  
• You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.
  Daytona Beach = Autorennen
  
• The FBI surrounded your trailer park twice so far this year.
  
• You have the word "howdy" in your answering machine message.
  
• You wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.
  siehe Tankstellen
  
• You've painted a car with house paint.
  
• You ever named a child after a dog.
  
• Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
  
• You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.

	Frigger's humorige Seiten: www.frigger.de